Mamang, I miss you…

It is almost a year since you have been gone and not a day has gone by that I did not think about you just like this particular morning. I somehow saw you walking from a distance, you were your usual self. You were wearing your blue jogging pants and white hello kitty shirt. Knowing you were there made me feel that you never left, it felt so good, and it felt so complete. Unfortunately, reality snapped back and oh, there goes gravity. Ouch, it was just a dream.

Many things cross my mind each time I think about you but right now all I could think of is that it was my fault why you went away so soon and that I should have been a better daughter.

I blame myself for loosing you because of the terrible things I said and done prior the day you went away. Yes, I am guilty. I am really sorry for being such a selfish child. I did not mean to say hurtful words just because you could not give me what I wanted. I know you know how brat- like I could be when things do not go my way. I maybe like that because you pampered me so much more than you pampered my two other siblings. You never said it verbally, but I was your most favored child and your only girl. You never admitted it because you wanted us to know that you loved us three equally and unconditionally. You had supported what I needed and wanted all those years. You were my number one fan. You had spent more for me than you did to my other siblings, good thing they never complained. I guess through it they supported me as well.

I always think that I should have been a better daughter by understanding you more. You were so kind to me, in fact for me you are the best mom in this whole freaking world! You devoted all your life in taking good care of all of us three therefore, keeping little time for yourself. You were so selfless; you kept giving without expecting anything in return.

You know, I did not mean to ignore you and so did my other siblings back when you were alive. I guess as an adolescent we were so preoccupied with our selves. I do not know about my other siblings but for me, I was just trying to find my self, trying to find where I rightfully belong, trying to be independent. I guess you never got the hang of the fact that your babies are growing. I know as a mom you still wanted to be part in our lives, believe me you are, we just needed time to grow and that includes us detaching from you. You somehow felt that we do not need you anymore and that bothers you because you did not know what else to do because for many years being a full time mom was all you know. I am really sorry mom, sorry for letting you feel alone even though we were in the same house together.

I always knew nothing lasts forever and that includes life. You had Transient Ischemic Stroke (TIA), a few years back before you left us. I know as a health care student that that illness is only a warning sign to an impeding  Cerebrovascular Accident (CVA), which is a deadly disease often times some patients make it, unfortunately some others do not. You survived many years after that attack and it made me feel confident that you will stay longer but in the back of my mind I know you will eventually go someday. It was like a big billboard sign that I could read but just ignored it. I saw the warning, I saw the signs yet I only did little. I guess I became so laidback, believing that you will always be here.

Oh mom, I and kuya could talk endlessly about you. We talk of endless if’s, like if you were still here today we could have done this and that… It is really lonely without you. The house is a mess, literally and figuratively. The house does not feel so complete anymore. It feels like it is just where I spend the night at. I guess this is how it feels like to be independent, huh? Just like a young adult away from home for college or work. No rules. No curfews. Well, some wish granted for me and it does not feel good.

Nevertheless, I know you are finally at home now to our Maker. No more worries or fears for you. You need not to worry about us, we are coping just fine. We are doing our best to look out for each other. It is just that we miss you. I terribly miss you. I can not help but be emo about you because I love you and I just have to let it out.

Like what I have told you before mom, you are always welcome to come into my dreams.

PS:

I love you.

Sar Labora

R.I.P.

Love,

Your daughter

I was about to check an old e-mail account of mine at yahoo, but I was amazed to what my user name was. I then became Julie, 20 years old from North Carolina, with a rather not-so-me photo!

Julie

This was my profile pic, I don’t have any tattoos, OK?

Aside from that my profile was also changed to this…

About Me:

Relationship Status: Single

Looking For: Networking

Interests: cooking

Favorite Music: Avant-garde

Favorite Movies: Lakeview Terrace

Places I Want to Visit: Southeast Asia

Anything Else: “it’s quality not quantity”

The hacker also made intriguing status updates which were not so wholesome!

Friday May 22, 2009

*Julie commented on her own profile

Yo Feelin’ soooo horny (and bored), come chat with me!! my AIM = sexyhottie19855

*Julie updated her status to

Where’s the party? – 514!

So I panicked, I told my brother about what happened to my account!

He then suggested me to change my password! Unfortunately, the hacker was able to change my password! Damn!, I couldn’t retrieve my e-mail account! Even though I was no longer using that account it had a sentimental value you know. It was my very first e-mail account! I could still remember that I thought so hard just to come up with that address! Back then I thought it was so cool and so original! (you get what I mean, right?)

The hacker is probably using my account to send spam messages to my friends or contacts, to appear it more convincing, but I will not let that happen!

Since I could no longer retrieve my account, I deleted everything in it! I deleted my messages, contacts, folders, drafts, attached files for short EVERYTHING! I will not let that hacker-bitch triumph in sending stupid SPAM MAILS!!!

I also checked on the net who was sexyhottie19855. To my surprise this ID seems to appear in different sites on web. From the data that I read the hacker seems to be invading different e-mail accounts and social sites as well! Therefore, I wasn’t the sole victim of this!

FUCK THAT HACKER!!!!

So you guys, I suggest that you check your accounts and change your passwords frequently!!!

By the way, I also frequently receive stupid How Oprah lost weight etc. etc.. messages from my friends on my yahoo mobile!

PS:

Yahoo, you better fix this glitch or no one will use your site anymore!

Almost everybody’s got a version of a shoe pic, why not me?

I took these photos last Oct 8, 2008. It was a boring day so I decided to take some photos just to help pass the minutes. Converse shoes has been quite a common concept on the internet these days, so I decided why not give it a try. I had a great time taking these photos on our backyard and by the way all of the shoes are mine. Just click the pic for a bigger size.

Photography and Concept: Dianne Labora

PS: Tell me what you think about these photos…

I took these photos last December 12, 2008. The model was feeling really bad during the shoot but she managed to give me good photos. Scene Queens and scene kids are the inspirations of these photos. Sorry for the late post I just felt like photo blogging today. Just click  the pic for a bigger size.

Model: Hopi G. (one of my best friends)
Clothes: model’s own
Make-up, Hair and Accessories: Geronie Labora
Photography and Concept: Dianne Labora (me)

PS:  She kinda resembles like Zui Suicide, right? Except that she’s longer than her. LOL.

1. I consider a person who knows how to ride a bike as GOD and that biking is a godly talent.

2. I am still in denial of the fact that I love chocolates.

3. I am so gay with my friends.

4. I am left handed and I write in an odd way which my friends find it so painful to look at.

5. I sleep with a cat, and it sleeps on my chest.

6. I have a mole on my right foot.

7. I don’t like eating chicken feet barbecue nor the adobo version of it.

8. I idolize Dita Von Teese and Paris Hilton.

9. Obsessive- Compulsive.

10. I have gazillions of social sites! and my top sites are facebook, myspace, buzznet, flickr, deviantArt, multiply and wordpress.

11. I hate friendster but I have one.

12. I want to be a sexy star.

13. I can sit on a lotus position on a mono block chair without discomfort.

14. I love photography.

15. I love squeezing 30 minutes into five!

16. Narcissistic yet very insecure.

17. I have the ability to destroy things easily.

18. I understand css codes.

19. I hate Miley Cyrus but I always end up reading about her.

20. Ketchup, ketchup and ketchup everywhere!

21. Nocturnal, I love working around 1 am onwards and I hate it when the sun is rising. My friend says I’m a vampire for that.

22. When I was young I had a very huge crush on Jonathan Brandis, I saw him on a poster on somebody’s house and he became my ideal guy, unfortunately he is dead now.

23. I have not seen twilight OK? so don’t you go telling me that Edward Cullen is so romantic and shit!

24. I always have a bad case of Pre-Menstrual Syndrome, so stay away. I bark and bite!

25. I admire the person who was patient enough to finish reading my crap.

I’m feeling so fucking emo today!!!

Ahhh!!!

And I want to inject a bolus of potassium chloride on my jugular veins…

Have you ever felt so low in your life, like you are not making any sense at all? And the worst part is that you can easily suggest or recommend things to your friends who are in trouble or is having some rough time in life yet you can’t figure out a single encouraging word for yourself? Well that is what I’m totally feeling today. I feel so utterly terrible and I totally hate it.

My day started out just fine, it was just an ordinary Sunday morning except the fact that I have to go to a seminar about Rehabilitative Devices and ECG reading at St. Louie Review Center. I woke up around 7.00 am and the seminar was to start at 8.00 am. An hour of preparation will sound reasonable if the venue is just quite near from where you’re staying, but no! – This is not the case for me, I just so happen to live quite far. So how do I do it? Well it just depends on pure luck, sometimes I make it, sometimes I don’t and this morning I was just on the nick of time. Actually, it has been quite a hobby of mine to be a little negligent about time. I know it’s bad but I like the feeling of squeezing 30 minutes into 5 minutes and it always gives me a sense of great accomplishment (such a petty excuse!). Yes, I know I sound such a tardy person, but I don’t mind I’m just so freaking PINOY.

I usually don’t go out of the house on Sundays. I prefer curling up on my bed until the sun rays entering my closed window hurt my skin. Nevertheless I chose to go to the seminar because it was for FREE and we are getting FREE certificates in return! (Oh, Yeah!) And we all love FREE things, right? And yes, I’m a parasite but not a selfish one. In fact I shared the info about the seminar to my friends and some of them came. It was a nice feeling seeing and talking to old friends. Hey, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t stay all day chatting with them, I also listened and learned! I just did the chatting on the afternoon, LOL. I was with Lei, Chicha and Laine, who are some good girl friends of mine.

So where’s the emo part? Well I started feeling all emoish while I was on my way home. I was alone riding a public transportation then all of a sudden I felt so lonely. I have no problems of traveling alone; in fact I do pretty well on my own but I don’t know why I felt so abandoned that time. The transportation was nearing town to its terminal when it halted near the church, so since it stopped there I climbed down the vehicle and went in the church to attend mass hoping that this feeling will go away.

When I was in I began looking around the church and noticed that almost everyone was with somebody and I was just with me. Then thoughts of my mom sunk in me, I had the sudden urge of wishing that she was there. I was imagining she was beside me because she was always my church buddy. I looked on my side, staring at the empty seat beside me wishing that she was there. At that time I started remembering her little mannerisms in the church and smiled. I thought of her innocent gaze, how she’d say peace be with you to me, her smile, how her eyeglasses would fall on her face due to a loose screw (which is basically her fault because she’d sleep or take a nap with eyeglasses on) and how she would unintentionally yawn in the church. My God, I miss her terribly!

I know missing my mom is enough to make me go emo and that is given a fact, but I think there are probably some contributing factors that made me extra emo today. One of it is that maybe it’s because it’s Sunday, and Sunday is our day together. We’d usually go to church and after that we’d eat at a fast food and roam around town going window shopping. And you know what? The thought of doing that alone sucks so hard. Believe me; I did that a while back.

Another is that maybe I had not let my feelings explode during my last menstruation. I’m a total train wreck when my menstruation is nearing. I shout, I cry and I love picking up fights for short I’m terrible! And indeed Pre-Menstrual Syndrome or PMS (not Pre Marital Sex you pervert) really gets the best out of me. It was only my mom who can tolerate listening to all my paltry rants on life and now that she’s gone I no longer have an outlet, no more emotional catharsis for me I’m on my own. I know I have my family and friends who are willing to listen to my sentiments in life but not all can understand, like the way my mother did. I wish she was here.

Just a while back in church I prayed hard to the Lord to let this feeling go away, because it hurts but then I realized that if this feeling will go away then that would mean forgetting her. I don’t want to forget my mom. She will always be in my heart. I’d rather feel the hurt of missing her baldy than disregard her memories.

Mom, if you’re reading this I truly miss you. I love it when you visit my dreams. I especially love that dream when we were like in a house and I saw you and I hugged you so tightly! That hug felt so real like you were just here beside me! I know you’re in a better place now and I hope you’ll always watch over us. Thank you for helping me with my problems even when you’re far away. You are welcome to visit my dreams anytime.

I love you mom.

This is a post of mine from a group named Ðeathnote on friendster (yes I’m Filipino, I have prenster).

I just felt like sharing it since I accidentally made this post kinda long…

I posted it last 12/10/08 10:05 PM

Here it is…

—–

This is it, this is my latest manipulation before I get myself busy again because just today this 6:30 pm my grandma died and this calls for another vigil (i dunno the spelling, correct me if I’m wrong)…this is literally called the circle of life…what a christmas this will be…

anyways…i love sailor moon, yes i know it sounds corny and all, but this is my first anime, ever since i was in grade two (1994, hey I’m not that old, k?)…this anime brought me to the world of other anime’s, thus later made me an anime fan or better yet an addict!

Sailor Goons Super

So if you want to star in some of my future deviations, why not add me as a friend! you can simply do that by clicking this link = lutykuh.

Hey, and if you find me in your view list, well maybe I’m up to no good, check this group right away and you might find your face plastered on top of an original art!, if not well maybe in the future…teehee..

This photo brings lolz in the house….

So i dare you to comment…
let’s liven this group, right Kris?

PS:
I dunno what food I ate to let me write something this long (maybe the chicken sandwich at wmsu architecture canteen did the majic?)…
Then again bear with me…
I have issues too, you know…

PPS:
I admire the stamina of the person who read this post from start to end,
how about a round of applause and a standing ovation! (clap clap clap…)
with the length of this post, should this not be considered a blog?
- never mind…

Check the original post here.

It’s been a long while since I’ve posted anything…

So here is a post that will give you a taste of who I am and what I do (the who I am part sounds sooo serious eh?)…

judge me, & i’ll do the same…

I’m not so good in describing myself, but don’t worry creating lies such as making me sound all tough and rude (like telling you that my life is more shitload than yours so don’t mess with me and that I don’t care whatever you think so STFU) are not my styles just to make me sound acceptable. Gosh I don’t know why some people love describing themselves negatively these days. Furthermore, just to comply with this ever so wonderful section all I can say is that I’m more than what meets the eye, it just depends on how you care to see. However, if you really want to know me, then read my FAQ’s or hit me up with a message or comment; let’s talk.

FAQ’s

No Shorts

1. Why do you have so many pictures?

Well I love photography. I’ve been loving it since I was in high school. I was the photojournalist & cartoonists of our school’s newspaper. And yes I’m a CamWhore (if you call it that way).It’s also a Psychiatric disorder called Narcissism, under Personality Disorder Cluster B.

2. Why do you do this?
I do this for fun and just to kill time.Staying at home is really boring. It’s not a career, ok? I’m just a trying hard photographer, model and artist. Problem?

3. Where do you get your ideas from?
Usually whenever an idea pops in and when I have new clothes hihihi…

4. Do your parents know about your photoshoots?
Yes, they’re pretty much aware of it. They just continue with their lives. I guess it’s already a natural phenomena at home.That’s what they get for having a retarded daughter.

5. Do you wear make-up all the time?
No, I’m not a make-up person (sometimes), I just wear it on special occasions and on photo shoots. By the way I get my make-up from my brother’s kit.

6. Brother- Make-up Kit?
Yes you read it right and yes he’s gay.

7. Are your long nails real?
Yes and I love to paint them. According to my friend’s boyfriend I have lots of dead cells, whatever that means.

8. Do you smoke?
Hell no! I don’t want to be barrel chested in the future…

9. Are you emo or scene?

Neither, I’m just me. I just love to role play. Don’t get me wrong I’m not hating them, in fact I appreciate their every little effort from their hair, to their fashion, to their millions of photos and up to their myspace account! (millions of photos & myspace account? errr… maybe I am scene?)

Black Lung Disease

10. What kind of camera and editing software do you use?
Well as for now I just use a cheap camera, (I’m dying to have a real camera) and the editing software is Adobe Photoshop 7 and CS3.

11. Do you do commissions?
It depends on my mood…

12. What does Lutykuh mean?
Lutykuh is my pet name at home (that means I have more!). It was my older brother’s artistic way of saying Kulot (meaning Curly). I guess he got tired and bored of teasing the same old name that was why he reinvented a new one (how sweet), which is kinda cute and unique, I think I’m the only one who uses this pen name. You won’t believe me? Try searching at Google or Yahoo, you’ll see.
And yes I really had curly hair before.

13. Why before?
Because right now I have fake straight hair! And I’m thanking good ol’ science and technology for making hair straightening possible.

14. Don’t you get tired of answering questions?
What do you think?

15. Do you expect people to read this?
No…
Wait a minute…
What are your eye balls staring at…

Yeah! Pacman won!

He left David “Dangerous” Diaz so bloody and defeated on their match called Lethal Combination just this day June 29, 2008!

Another knockout victory! He is indeed a Filipino pride and hero!

I’m sure with this victory he will be experiencing some few things like:

• he will be tremendously rich (again, like he’s not rich, duh?)
• a motorcade
• a meeting with the president 
• and that he’ll have gazillions of advertisments and offerings (whether movie or TV shows) to come!

 (How lucky can a guy get)  But what’s so good about him is that he shares his bleesings to the needy!

And since he is so sizzling right now I want to share some photos about him that made me smile (errr laugh)…

I was browsing my friendster account when someones newly uploaded photos caught my eyes! This person had quiet a very unique and interesting album! The Album was in honor of the great Manny “Pacman” Paquiao (who else are we talking about, right?).

I’ve posted the photos below and you check them out yourself. It will give you a good spin-off!

Got to love PACMAN!

He’s everywhere!

He is making every single Filipino proud!

Waiting for Kelly’s new vid was worth the wait… It was so rad! I love Heather and Kelly’s new guy plus all the party people!

I just love the part when Kelly said, “I love rabbits”, it was so hilarious plus this part too…

      Kelly: “he’s… so… cute… I… don’t… know… what… I… was… saying”… (in a stutter)

      Heather punches Kelly, bringing her back to reality, lol.

      Kelly: Thank you…

Kelly’s ex is such a deck! How dare he call the girl he dumped in a text message and ask for sex? She better not entertain her any more- “that’s not happening!”

By the way I watched the video on the day it was launch and I forgot to write about it hehehe!

And now the video is already posted on youtube just last June 02, 2008 and it has like 40,699 and counting, wow!!!

Go Kelly…

Watch it yourself it’s so funny it’s called  ”No Booty Calls“ 

If you still can’t relate, I suggest you visit “Liam Kyle Sullivan’s” channel and watch the other videos.

laugh your ass out, don’t worry it’s just for free…